unwanted changes

I've noticed lately lots of changes in myself.  Changes that I'm really not happy with.  Tonight I want to talk about my change in reading preferences.

Before TO was diagnosed, some of my favorite authors were Patricia Cornwell, John Grisham and James Patterson.  I would not have touched a romance book with a 10 foot pole.  After her diagnosis, I found myself turning to the happy endings guaranteed by romances.  I figured I could be a closet reader and that with time, I'd be able to get back to my normal reading.  No such luck.  Here we are 3+ years later, and I couldn't read my way through a Patricia Cornwell if you paid me too--even the ones I'd read before.

My sister had asked if I wanted to read The Hunger Games with her and I agreed and put it on hold at the library.  I read the first few chapters last night, and picked it up again today.  I couldn't put it down.  It was a good story--don't get me wrong--and I'll have to read the sequels.  But, I couldn't put it down because I just had to make sure that everything turned out okay in the end.  I even asked P (he had read it before me) about the fate of one of the contestants, just to make sure everything would turn out fine.  I just couldn't get the story and the characters out of my head--and not in a good way.

I don't mind carrying the storyline with me in my head between the times that I can sit down and read.  And perhaps this book was worse, because you knew there could only be one winner and that meant everyone but one had to die.  But, half way through the book I really just wanted to quit reading it.  I didn't want to know how it ended.  Of course, by then you're too invested in the characters.  But even now after finishing it over 2 hours ago, I'm feeling a bit sick to my stomach.  You see, this book didn't have a happy ending--you have to read the sequels I'm supposing/hoping to find that.  But by not having a happy ending, I'm going to be forced to read the other books, just to make sure everyone turns out fine. 

I really want to be able to go back to my old reading habits--when everything was easily read.  I hate getting so upset over books--upset enough that I feel it physically.